Causes and effects of Resentment + Bitterness

Condition

Scriptural Examples and Human Comments

1.

Person gets hurt in life, suffers injustice, is wronged, realizes real or perceived offenses. This can be physical abuse, or lack of acceptance and affirmation, or wrongs done to someone they love. It may involve ongoing unjustices.

Internalizes hurt deep inside, meditates on the injustice, gives into anger and builds deeper resentment.

Gen. 4:1-5: Cain supposed he was wronged by his sacrifice being rejected, while Abel's was accepted.

Gen. 27: Esau resented Jacob because he obtained his birth rite and stole his blessing.

Gen. 37: Joseph's brethren felt they were wronged by not being loved as Joseph was.

Ex. 5:21; 17:3; Num. 14; 16:13: The Israelites in and out of Egypt often felt wronged by Moses and by God.

Ruth 1, 2: Ruth was bitter and negative over a hard life.

Esther 3: Haman had a grudge against Mordecai due to lack of respect.

2 Sam. 17: Ahithophel was offended because his counsel was spurned in favor of another's.

Job 3 – 37: Job battled with feeling felt he was being treated unjustly by God.

Prv. 4:23:23 Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.

2.

Becomes overtly sensitive to personal injustices, such as instances of “unfairness” in the words and actions of other's – which may wrongly include God – toward them. May also perceive things as wrongs that are not, or exaggerate those that are, and will tend toward being “touchy;” and also are prone to jealously.

1 Sam. 18:8: And Saul was very wroth, and the saying displeased him; and he said, They have ascribed unto David ten thousands, and to me they have ascribed but thousands: and what can he have more but the kingdom? 9 And Saul eyed David from that day and forward.

Prv. 18:14: “The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?”

1 Cor. 13:5: [Charity] “Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;”

Est. 3: Wicked Haman held a grudge against Mordecai due to lack of respect.

Jealousy and resentment are inseparable. And those that harbor resentment due to hurts he feels he did not deserve are very prone to jealousy, that of not getting benefits he feels he deserves but which other's have.

3.

Seeks satisfaction, “justice” for wounds received. Has created a “groove” or habit of going back to his hurts, and which they can easily go to whenever injustices occur. ”

Gen. 27:41: Esau sought to slay Jacob in an opportune time.

Gen. 37:18ff: Joseph's brethren (Reuben excepted) sought to slay him in their jealousy.

Esther 3:8ff: Wicked Haman plotted to kill Mordecai and all the Jews out of resentment for not getting the affirmation he saw himself worthy of.

1 Sam. 19; 24; 26: Saul perceived David as an enemy even though David sought to comfort him – not kill him – and showed himself to be a loyal subject.

1 Sam. 18:9ff: Saul sought to kill David out of jealousy.

4

Because of nursing wounds and reactions to offenses, such a soul has unnecesary difficulty in relations with others, hindering communion. They mull over being slighted, or corrected, unawares that they often makes it difficult for others to be social or open with them. They seek comfort for their wounds and usually resents correction for harboring such. All of which works to reinforce the offended person's resentment against others.

Esther 3: Haman was easily incensed because Mordecai failed to give him the respect he felt he was due, and it seems he had few friends.

Prv. 18:14: The spirit of a man will sustain his infirmity; but a wounded spirit who can bear?

Prv. 24:21b: meddle not with them that are given to change:

Human communication is usually in more than words, and a root of bitterness is conveyed even by micro expressions which makes most others wary of invading the wounded resentful person's space. If in previous encounters unpleasant unpredictable reactions have occurred then most souls will trend to give such a one space, which distances the wounded spirit is all the more sensitive to, and resentful of. Thus a cycle develops. I think this is more occasioned among western people for whom superficiality is more common.

5

His basic discontent brings him to grumble or whine about unfairness and sometimes persecute others when facing hardship. Also tends to be less appreciative (or dissatisfied) of blessings.

Prv 17:13: “Whoso rewardeth evil for good, evil shall not depart from his house.”

Num. 11: Again, the wilderness Israelites were negative malcontents, focused on unmet needs, and wants, given to faithless self – pity, and often saw Moses as their enemy. Society today would concur with the Israelites.

Ex. 14; Ps. 74: The “Egyptian” wilderness Israelites quickly and too often believed the lie of the devil, that God (or Moses) was seeking their destruction, rather than being mindful of His (extreme) mercy.

6

Lacks stability, emotional or otherwise, “Given to change;” easily provoked by real or perceived injustices, into behavior contrary to Godly character, which carnal behavior we may feel we have a right to.

Prov 24:21-22: "My son, fear thou the LORD and the king: and meddle not with them that are given to change: For their calamity shall rise suddenly; and who knoweth the ruin of them both?"

Ps. 106:12: “Then believed they his words; they sang his praise. 13 They soon forgat his works; they waited not for his counsel: 14 But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tempted God in the desert.”

Ex. 15:1: The wilderness Israelites went from extremes depending on circumstance. The cried for deliverance, but quickly turned against their God - sent deliverer Moses. They rejoiced when they realized deliverance, but grumbled and murmured when tested by hunger or thirst.

7

Often such souls unwisely see others who claim to be hurt as victims like him, and whose personal retaliation is justified, and whose quest for rectitude or honor is motivated thereby.

Num. 16:3: “And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?”

This dynamic is timeless, and having begun with the devil (below), it will end in the Lake of Fire (Rev. 20).

8

Many can easily become prey to the guile of resentful souls (or be one of them) who oppose authority outside their own and foster unholy rebellion. Such workers of inquity often see and promote themselves as victims of injustice in order to seduce wounded souls into retaliation against those who rejected them.

Gn. 3:1: “Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field which the LORD God had made. And he said unto the woman, Yea, hath God said, Ye shall not eat of every tree of the garden? 2 And the woman said unto the serpent, We may eat of the fruit of the trees of the garden: 3 But of the fruit of the tree which is in the midst of the garden, God hath said, Ye shall not eat of it, neither shall ye touch it, lest ye die. 4 And the serpent said unto the woman, Ye shall not surely die: 5 For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil.”

Heb. 12:15: “Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled;”

The devil, whom God cast down due to his evil rebellion in his lust for worship and control (in contrast to God's sacrificial and benevolent nature), sees himself as a victim, and in retaliation insinuated that God (the moral authority) had a malevolent purpose in His solitary restriction given to Adam and Eve, and therefore promoted rebellion to God as better than submission. This in turn would bring Eve into submission to the serpent, who unceasingly wars to incite such rebellion against God and submission to him. Likewise many leaders of cults, who, being rejected by the established evangelical church primarily because of their heresies or unholy spirit, form a sect that militates against all other authority than their own unwarranted and ultimately selfish preeminence. Such souls tend toward requiring implicit (though unwarranted) loyalty to their particular, controlled group, stifle independent thinking, see sincere questioning that opposes them as disloyalty, and will inevitably attack or otherwise denigrate – by mixing truth with falsehood – those that may conscientiously oppose them.

In contrast, the Lord did things that consistently showed He alone was worthy of the implicit faith He called them to, and led them into. He called for searching the Scriptures and evidence that enabled faith, and allowed them to question among themselves, and taught them in such honesty and power that they would be persuaded by the truth of the truth, by the holy Spirit and without coercion, while rebuking inexcusable and destructive hard hearted unbelief and carnality, yet in a way that brought honest souls to follow the truth of their own accord.

“But have renounced the hidden things of dishonesty, not walking in craftiness, nor handling the word of God deceitfully; but by manifestation of the truth commending ourselves to every man's conscience in the sight of God” (2 Cor. 4:2).

9

They may tend to have inordinate suspicion of others, and may suppose well meaning people are out to take advantage of them or hurt them.

Some may seek security or fulfillment in doctrinally unsound aberrant groups, or require unwarranted singular loyalty themselves, and may be more prone to give credence to unwarranted conspiracy theories and new “winds of doctrine” as they seek not simply to be holy but to establish themselves as superior to those that they resent.

1Sam. 18ff: Saul also manifested that he felt threatened by any show of loyalty to noble David rather than himself, as Saul was not seeking the Lord's glory and praise, but his own glory and the praise of men.

Eph. 4:11 And he gave some, apostles; and some, prophets; and some, evangelists; and some, pastors and teachers; 12 For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ: 13 Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ: 14 That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive;

Ex. 16:3: “...ye have brought us forth into this wilderness, to kill this whole assembly with hunger.” cf. Num. 14:3:

The wilderness Israelites saw themselves not as a delivered people, but as victims of Mosiac or cosmic conspiracy.

10

May be causative of problems with self control in other areas, such as with food or drugs (or exercising power), in which we may find solace for wounds.

Ps. 106:14: “But lusted exceedingly in the wilderness, and tempted God in the desert. 15 And he gave them their request; but sent leanness into their soul. 16 They envied Moses also in the camp, and Aaron the saint of the LORD. 17 The earth opened and swallowed up Dathan, and covered the company of Abiram.”

11

Often such develop a victim mentality, which helps to justify outbursts and other manifestations of vengeance, as well as their desire for more exclusive attention and agreement.

1Sam. 18: Even though David played “spiritual songs” on the harp, Saul sought to pin David to the wall with a javelin.

“9 And Saul eyed David from that day and forward. 10 And it came to pass on the morrow, that the evil spirit from God came upon Saul, and he prophesied in the midst of the house: and David played with his hand, as at other times: and there was a javelin in Saul's hand. 11 And Saul cast the javelin; for he said, I will smite David even to the wall with it. And David avoided out of his presence twice. 12 And Saul was afraid of David, because the LORD was with him, and was departed from Saul.”

1 Sam. 20:31: “For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom. Wherefore now send and fetch him unto me, for he shall surely die.32 And Jonathan answered Saul his father, and said unto him, Wherefore shall he be slain? what hath he done? 33 And Saul cast a javelin at him to smite him: whereby Jonathan knew that it was determined of his father to slay David.”

12

When related to the above, they tend to have a basic animus against authority (or those belonging to the class of persons that did him wrong) in general. However, some may seek to ingrate themselves with authority, as they seek control over others, as a form of retaliation.

Ex. 17:3; Num. 16: The Egyptian Israelites saw Moses as their enemy, and certain of them challenged his meek and manifestly God – ordained authority. And suffered for it.

2 Sam. 15:2: Offended Absalom conspired against his own father for the kingdom, which he likely felt he deserved and would be wrongly deprived of.

13

Some chose to protest real or perceived injustice by passive or active means, which is easily provoked. The former may consist of refusal to do things (i.e. cleaning, or certain other tasks) which are expected by those they resent (or who represent such), and the latter by demonstrative behavior, which they unconsciously justify.

We may also manifest a morose spirit, expressd in body and verbal language, or angry self – pity, both of which drives people away, and then be angry if avoided or not comforted.

Prov. 14:17: He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated.

Neh. 9:17: The resentful Israelites “refused to obey” commandments of God – the ultimate authority – in their rebellion.

14

Suffers too often from depression (which also may be a way of escape), the nursing of wounds, and a basic negative attitude, expecting the worst.

In such a state, one focuses on unmet wants, and is more mindful of disappointments and wrongs than of benefits and grace. Like Ruth in pagan Moab, we chose to live bitterly in a pagan land, rather than in the land of the living.

Job 3:10: Because it shut not up the doors of my mother's womb, nor hid sorrow from mine eyes. 11 Why died I not from the womb? why did I not give up the ghost when I came out of the belly?

Num. 14:2: “...would God we had died in this wilderness!”

Ruth 1:21: “I went out full, and the LORD hath brought me home again empty: why then call ye me Naomi, seeing the LORD hath testified against me, and the Almighty hath afflicted me?”

Jn. 5:6 When Jesus saw him lie, and knew that he had been now a long time in that case, he saith unto him, Wilt thou be made whole?

While depression may not have resentment as it's cause, the latter will breed the former. The poison of resentment lie Limburger cheese under the nose, tends to make color life unpleasant, or at least gray, further reinforcing the resentful souls contention that life has unfairly treated him. Genetic predisposition can also be a factor in depression, but it in and of itself it is not the ultimate cause of “depression,” which is ultimately unbelief and obedience in and to God's perfect word.

This kind of depression offers a time to nurse wounds, which in fact is how it is often brought on. Depression can also offer a way of escape from facing life (a comfortable “rut”) and the responsibility a well person has. This is why it is contrary to a life fully surrendered and consecrated to the Lord Jesus.

15

Or (in contrast to the previous), rather than depression, the person nursing a grudge may respond (retaliate) to injustices by seeking to outdo others, partly in spite, and use their superior efforts to demean and control others whom they have something against.

Num. 16:1: “Now Korah, the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On, the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men: 2 And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown: 3 And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you,”

2 Sam. 13-18: “And on this manner did Absalom to all Israel that came to the king for judgment: so Absalom stole the hearts of the men of Israel” (15:6).

This may be the case with Absalom, who, being shut out of his father's full acceptance, and likely the kingship, ingratiated himself with the people with the intent of obtaining the kingdom by mutiny.

16

In a worse case, the resentful person may use real or false injustices to adopt and (often craftily) maintain a type of “victim mentality” that excuses him from many of the efforts life demands, and to require special treatment (only positive support and affirmation). This kind tends toward seeking escape from the “harsh” realities life requires through drugs and vain, self – serving philosophies, the latter of which he may stubbornly contend for as it serves him well.

Prov. 26:16: The sluggard is wiser in his own conceit than seven men that can render a reason.

Such a person's resentment allows him to escape into a fantasy of benefits with obedience, support or rewards without worthiness – without “striving lawfully” – and which “philosophy” he will insolently argue is right – and then to justify anger or self pity when support is not given as he wants, or when the consequences of his rebellion catches up with him. The “hippie” culture make this famous (authority did us wrong, so use that to justify drug induced escape from the realities of life, and basically protest all real authority). Meanwhile much of culture today is infected with a “entitlement mentality.” Though this type of resentful soul typically has largely made merchandise of some injustices in order to live a selfish life, his pretense of seeking justice allows him to justify his indolence, which justice – seeking a truly wounded soul does in mulling hurts or acting out (to his own hurt).

17

Has difficulty correcting others for legitimate wrongs with the right spirit, and often creates or finds unnecessary conflict.

Such correction is often driven by underlying resentment at being wronged rather than purely out of love for God and others, or even righteous principals. Takes lack of submission or lack of attention by others as a personal offense. If correction is given by a person he regards as representing the person or institution (i.e. authority) which the wounded souls has ought against, it is very likely to result in unnecessary conflict.

19

When faced with the reality of his resentment (and it's effects and consequences), we either chooses to let go of it all, and repent from ever going back to it, by God's grace, or reserves the right to hold on to the resentment and grievance we has against those that hurt us.

Prv. 18:19: “A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city: and their contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

Prov. 18:2 (AV): “A fool hath no delight in understanding, but that his heart may discover itself.”

Prov. 1:23: “Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you.

Prov. 2:6 For the LORD giveth wisdom: out of his mouth cometh knowledge and understanding.